The Simple Complexity of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the simplest concepts, but at the same time, one of the most complex actions. Growing up in a Christian family, I was always told to “love my enemies.” This statement never made sense to me because I thought that an enemy was a person that you hated and you can’t love and hate someone at the same time. It’s like trying to make the same room both pitch black and full of light at the same time. No matter what you do, one is always going to block out the other. You have to choose one. Darkness or light. Love or hatred. So how does one love their enemies? The truth is, you don’t have to hate your enemies. They’re your enemy because they hate you, but you don’t have to hate them back.

I can’t remember the first time that I was told to forgive the people who hurt me. From before I could string together proper sentences, I understood what it meant as a concept. However, I hadn’t the faintest idea of what it meant as an action. As head knowledge, forgiveness is simple. When someone hurts you, let it go. Don’t let it turn you against them. I remember as a small child hearing my friends with less happy, safe home lives than me saying that they couldn’t forgive their parents and being confused. Even though I had grown up my whole life being taught to forgive others, I hadn’t had any opportunities to practice it. I had amazing parents and an older brother who loved me and, even though they weren’t perfect, they never truly hurt me either.

Then, when I got older, life happened. friends, classmates, that random, hateful post on social media that hit a little too close to home words became like daggers, stabbing me straight in the heart. Suddenly, the simplicity of forgiveness started to look a lot more complex. I tried to will myself to forgive the people that had hurt me, but found that I couldn’t, at least, not on my own strength. In the book of Matthew in the Bible it says, “Jesus looked at (his disciples) intently and said, ‘Humanly speaking, this is impossible. But with God everything is possible,’” (Matthew 19: 26). When someone hurts you deeply, often you find that you can’t forgive them. On your own, it’s simply not possible. You don’t have the strength and tools to do it. However, nothing is impossible with God. He can do anything, including help us forgive others. With him, we can forgive people even when they hurt us deeply, but that’s not to say that it will be easy. In fact, it just may be the hardest thing that you ever have to do.

The best example of forgiveness that we could ever find is Jesus himself and his heart towards us. He is fully God and fully human. Even though he is the king of the universe, even though humanity had turned their backs on him, he gave up everything to step down from his throne in heaven to become one of us. Even on earth, he was rejected, beaten, mocked, and ridiculed by most people who met him. He was betrayed by a friend and imprisoned, tortured, and executed like a criminal even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, he loved us. We nailed him to a cross and spit on him, but instead of hating and cursing us he cried out “Forgive them, Father…,” (Luke 23: 24). He defended the very people who mocked and crucified him. The night that Jesus was arrested, he gathered his twelve disciples to share one last meal with them. In the book of John it says, “Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him...After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, ‘Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you,” (John 13: 1 - 7 & 12 - 15).

Picture the God of the universe, the king of all kings getting down on his hands and knees and washing his disciples feet. He knew that one would betray him and that the rest would deny or abandon him in only a few hours, but he did it anyway and he tells us to follow in his footsteps. We are called to love others the same way. All others, even the ones that have hurt us the most. Jesus says in one of his most famous sermons, “love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you,” (Matthew 5: 44).

Forgiveness starts with prayer. We must ask God to help us forgive others and then pray for the people that we are having trouble forgiving. Now, when he tells us to pray for them, he doesn’t mean in a judging, self-righteous way. God, show them what they are doing is wrong. He means, pray lovingly for them with a compassionate, humble heart that wants what’s best for them. God, bless them. Speak to them. Show how much you love them. As a follower of Christ, everything in our life, every decision we make, should start with prayer. We need to refocus on him so that we can find strength and guidance in him.

Then, we must wash our offender’s feet. Of course, randomly walking up to someone and bending down to wash their feet would seem a bit strange in our time and culture. In Ancient Israel, it was a normal custom at gatherings for the host to humbly serve his guests by washing their feet. However, today, in America it would be just flat out weird, but that doesn’t mean that Jesus’ example to his disciples no longer applies to us. He didn’t literally just mean, “wash each other’s feet.” Jesus often spoke in metaphors. In this instance, the washing of feet, represents putting others above ourselves and serving them with a selfless, humble heart. Forgiveness is a state of mind, but it begins with a physical action. We must wash the feet of those who hurt us the way that Jesus first did for us.

If you have any questions or would like to learn more about The C.A.N Sisters’ Ministry, leave a comment below, check out my website, or email me at cansistersministry@gmail.com.