The Silence

Since I met Christ at 11 years old, I have learned to hear his voice. Sometimes it sounds like a thought; others it’s a lyric of a song or Bible verse that stands out to me. I’ve never heard an audible voice the way you hear must voices but I know it’s him. However, in the past few months, I haven’t been able to hear it. I pray, worship, and read my Bible every day just like I always do but he doesn’t speak, or at least, I can’t hear it. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve done something wrong. I often can’t help but feel like I’m being punished.

My dad died in a car crash this summer and God spoke to me constantly throughout the day for the first two months after. He even gave me visions. I got to see my dad in heaven talking to King David and I danced with Jesus in a field of flowers and on the ocean. He laid beside me in my bed at night and comforted me and cried with me. He told me he was going to use me to change the world; that I was going to lead thousands of people to him. Then, he just went silent.

This isn’t the first time that I have gone long periods of time without hearing God’s voice. I have had months where he was completely silent. Often though, they’re times when I’m doing well. Everything seems to be in order and life is good. I don’t usually grow in my faith as much in the good times in life. But this time, he’s silent in one of the hardest seasons of my life. My dad just died half a year ago and I’m stuck doing my senior year of high school on zoom. It’s a season that I would normally expect him to speak to me a lot but I’ve barely heard a

word in months. So why is God silent? Why would he go months without speaking to us, especially when we need him most? In full honesty, I don’t know. There are many things that I don’t understand about God. I don’t understand why he loves us after all the things we have done but I know he does. I don’t know why he let’s bad things happen when he has the power to stop them but I also know he is good. It’s called faith. That’s what walking with God is about. Believing something even when you can’t see it, feel it, or hear it; even when it doesn’t seem true. In his second letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul wrote, “for we walk by faith, not by site,” ( 2 Corinthians 5: 7). We have to trust that he knows what he is doing and he has our best interest at heart.

In the book of Genesis we find a man named Abraham who knew what Paul meant by “walking by faith, not by sight” even though he lived thousands of years before him. God told him to leave his family and home behind, take his wife, and travel to a foreign land that would one day be known as Israel. God told him that his wife would give him a son and he believed him even though she was barren and both of them were very old.

God did as he said and gave Abraham a son. Abraham named his son Issac and loved him very much but when the boy was a little older, God told Abraham to sacrifice him on an altar. Abraham took his beloved son, led him up a mountain,

and laid him on an altar. He was about to kill Issac when God stopped him and sent him a ram to take Issac’s place. (Genesis 22: 1 - 14). God was never intending on actually having Abraham kill Issac. He’s not that type of God but he was testing Abraham’s faith. He wanted to see if Abraham would trust him even when he asked him to sacrifice his own son. I think it is often the same reason that God is silent. It’s much easier to walk with God when he is constantly speaking to you but when he stops for a time, we have to hold on to what we believe even though it often doesn’t feel true.

If you have any questions or would like to learn more about The C.A.N Sisters’ Ministry, leave a comment below, check out our website, or email us at cansistersministry@gmail.com.