Pouring Out Your Heart Before The King

For most of my life, I thought that I had to fix myself before I came before God in prayer or worship. I read Bible verses that talked about “crucifying the passions and disorders of (my) sinful nature,” (Galatians 5: 24) and thought they were saying that it was all up to me. I had to “nail” my sin to the cross of Christ before I came to him because I wasn’t good enough. In other words, I believed that, to be a christian, I had to be perfect.

Another verse that I often used to back up my fractured theology was in 2 Corinthians when the Apostle Paul writes, “Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ,” ( 2 Corinthains 10: 5). I created a very black and white system of trying to control every thought that happened to pass through my mind. Like a security guard, I questioned each thought as it tried to enter my head and then did my best to not let any pass that I had labeled as “bad.” I had a long list of does and don’ts when it came to my thought patterns and anytime I failed to stop a “bad” thought from entering my head, I would belittle myself because I had failed to “fix” myself.

One particular thought pattern that I tried with all my might to not let myself take what day dreams. Whenever I was feeling down or insecure as a child, and into my teen years, I would escape into a fantasy where I could be whoever I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted to do. As this habit continued to grow as I reached high school, I began to realize that it was preventing me from engaging in my own life. However, instead of finding positive ways to engage in my life, like make more friends or join a sport, I tried to stop daydreaming. Just like that, I put in on my “don’t” list of thought patterns and tried to never daydream again but instead, it just made me want to day dream even more or find other ways to escape from my life. Everytime I would daydream, I would shame myself and ask God, “Why do you put up with me? I can’t take every thought captive like the Bible says.” The more I tried to please him, the more I hated myself.

If you’ve ever set up a train of dominos and knocked over the one in front, you know that it will knock over the one behind it and that one will knock over the one behind it and so on until there’s not a single one left standing. That’s how it looks when you try to “fix yourself.” Whether it's a thought pattern, a drug addiction, or an anger problem, if you try to clean yourself up before you come to Christ, you’re never going to feel like you're good enough. Why? Because we’ve missed the very point of the gospel. Jesus didn’t come down from his throne to be mocked, beat, and hung from a cross to make us see just how imperfect we are. In the Book of Romans it says, “all have sinned,” (Romans 3: 23). Jesus is the only person to ever walk this earth without making a single mistake. That’s it! The rest of us, no matter how many “good” things we’ve done, have missed the mark of perfection. The Apostle John, wrote, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him,” (John 3: 17). Condemn means to “blame” or “disapprove of.” Jesus didn’t come to us so that we could try to “fix” yourselves. He came to free us from our sin and to be with us.

If you were to open a Bible and begin to read, chances are, you would end up finding a story about a person and, most likely, they would be one who, for most of their life,

walked with God. Some of my favorite people in all of scripture are Joseph, from Genesis, Ruth, Esther, and King David. All of these men and women, along with most of the other people we learn about in the Bible, have two main things in common. First, they made many mistakes. Weather it’s doubt, pride, or murder, all of them have messed up in some way or another.

The second thing, however, is they all loved and followed God. King David was even labeled, “a man after God’s own heart,” ( 1 Samuel 13: 14). He was a shepherd who later became a king. He also was a powerful warrior and the writer of many songs later to be put in one of the longest books in the Bible. From a young age, David learned to listen to the voice of God and follow his guidance. He demonstrated great faith in battle when all odds seemed against him and led the rest of his nation to follow the one true God. However, he also committed adultery and murder at the lowest point in his life. If you were to read the account of this season in his life in 2 Samuel, you would probably not have a very high opinion of him. If David were born in our day and age in America, he would be on death row. That’s what happens to someone when they kill people but that’s not how God handles us when we sin. Instead of having David killed for what he had done, God forgave him. He still let him suffer some consequences for what he had done, but he didn’t have him pay the price for his sin, which is death. He didn’t even simply turn to him and say, “David, I’ve had enough of you.” And then abandon him to find a “new man after God’s own heart.” He forgave him and offered him a second chance because that’s what God does. When we mess up, he forgives us.

Now, let’s go back to the cross of Christ. If God doesn’t want us to perfect or “fix” ourselves, then what does Paul mean by saying, “those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there?” (Galatians 5: 24). For most of my walk with God, I thought that he was saying that we have to free ourselves from our sin but the truth is, we can’t. We need Christ and what he did for us on the cross to be able to be freed from our sin. However, he gives us a choice. We can always choose to live in sin but he will also always be waiting for us to come to him and accept his gift of forgiveness and freedom. When we “nail” our sinful nature to the cross of Christ, we a simply giving our lives to him so that he can free us. All we have to do is come to him the way we are. It’s called pouring out your heart. When we pray, he doesn’t expect us to come in a certain way.

One great example of this is found in the life of David. In the book of Psalms, we see him constantly pouring out his heart. In chapter 51, he wrote, after God confronted him for committing adultery and murder, “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin,” ( Psalm 51: 1 - 2). In chapter 142, he proclaimed, “I cry aloud to the Lord;

I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble,” (Psalm 142: 1 - 2). God doesn’t just want the good parts of us; the things that we are proud of like talents and the moments when we are kind to others or at peace. He wants everything.

One of my favorite ways to pass time is reading. I get very invested in the story and characters and there's almost always a time when one of my favorite characters is either in a life threatening situation, with the wrong romantic partner, or making another terrible life decision. At this point, I squirm around in my bed or seat on the sofa and long with all my might to somehow transport myself into the pages of the book to help or redirect them, or skip to the end of the story to find

out how it ends. However, most of the time, I restrain myself and just keep reading because the book is a lot more enjoyable and makes more sense if I read the whole thing from beginning to end. I’ve always imagined that’s a lot like how God feels when he watches us make poor decisions. He loves us all t

he same but it’s painful to watch because he knows we’re hurting ourselves, even if we can’t see it. He waits for us because he always gives us a choice. He waits and he waits until we finally come, just as we are; ready to pour out our hearts. It’s not complaining or mopping. It’s coming as we are but longing for change. kind of like going to the doctors. This summer, I broke my femur in a car crash. I was taken to the hospital where I had to have surgery. The surgeon put a rod in my leg so that I could up weight on it and I had to do a lot of very painful physical therapy to be able to walk without a walker or a chain. At first, I couldn’t even sit up in bed without assistance, but if I had tried to get up out of the car, after the crash without the rod in my leg, I wouldn’t even be able to move it let alone walk. I needed the surgeon to fix my leg. If he hadn’t done that, I would still be stuck in bed but I also had to believe him when he said that I could put weight on it because of the rod and get up out of bed, or I wouldn’t have been able to use it for the rest of my life. God has to heal us when we’re broken. He has to free us from our sin. In the book of Isaiah it says, “(God) has sent (Jesus) to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives,” (Isaiah 61: 1). It’s when he heals us that we most turn to action. We have to believe that he has healed us and lives in that freedom instead of continuing to live like we are broken and enslaved by our own sin. Pour out your heart before the King of Kings. He loves you. He wants you. No matter where you come from. No matter what you’ve done or want has been done to you. He sees you, he feels our pain, and he is waiting for you when you’re ready. All you have to do is come.

If you have any questions or would like to learn more about The C.A.N

Sisters’ Ministry, leave a comment below, check out our website, or email us at cansistersministry@gmail.com.